my last resort.

i've decided. i'm gonna continue doing my higher diploma. besides studying, i don't think there's anything else that i can do. i just cannot imagine myself standing at the front desk working from 3pm till 11pm or 11pm till 7am even on weekends and public holidays. fuck it. and, many people asked me why had i actually thought about not pursuing to my higher diploma. i told them i don't know. nahh, that is not the reason. i know the reason. i just don't wanna tell you. bleh.

donkee is currently driving his way back to TI. he'll be back for roughly about 6 to 7 weeks days and only then he'll return to PJ. YAYYYYYYY. we can celebrate x'mas together! wo00000tttt ;p donkeeeeee. i'm missing you already. please, please drive safely. man, he is a psycho driver. i don't know what the heck is he thinking. he sometimes make me go mad worrying about him. *sigh*

i am proud of me.

well well well, it's almost 3am now and i desperately need some sleep. but i don't know what the fuck am i doing here. something is bothering me so much.

had a blast yesterday night with my bitches in rainforest and Qbar. everyone was high, crazy and maybe, a lil drunk? i wasn't too drunk. i still was conscious. i only felt dizzy and superbly high i might just rape anyone. gulping down carl's beer, long island tea and black label in such a short period of time is hell. ask donkee, i walked as if i was flying when he came to pick me up. i couldn't even stood still. but hey, that feeling was fun.

attended the announcement of results ceremony the next morning. damn, me and donkee bloody overslept. how shitty. hrmm, i've gotten a Very Honourable Pass like what i've expected =) do i sound a lil proud here? oh well, I AM PROUD.

..but people i've expected to be proud of me doesn't feel proud at all. so why should i? they wouldn't even ask me about how well i did or how was my results. they wouldn't even wish me a simple Well Done or Congrats. instead, i get fucked up badly. and what's worse? they fucked me up not because of my results. do you think i deserve all these on my oh-so-very-wonderful-day? c'mon. i won't give two shits if my results mean nothing to them. i don't fucking need them to be proud of me. I AM PROUD OF MYSELF.

i am heating up now. i need to get some sleep. but before that, congrats to the whole of batch 17. especially for those who managed to obtain that very honourable pass with congratulations from the jury. (mahai, why the title so damn fucking long wan?)

my special shoutouts to..
donkee : your results = your efforts. congrats baby. mwahhhhhhhhh!
KC : high 5 !!! wahahaha. pa-sang-lang rocks.
rachel : ei, top student of DH17. you go, girl. and you haven't thank us for the cheers we gave you. HAHAHA.
the rest of RD students : congrats-lah. diploma holder already-lah. very proud hor?

good night everyone. ermm, wrong. good morning everyone. what-e-ver.

the nightmare is over ;)

no more lectures. no more homeworks. no more assignments. no more assessments. no more tests. no more FINAL EXAMINATION. everything is over. that marks the end of my diploma years. 2 years sounds damn long. but time flies. i can't actually still remember going to college during the 1st day of orientation where everyone seem like strangers to everyone.

i remembered...

• walking into the campus without knowing where to head to next.
• that i almost got myself lost while looking for Lecture Hall 1 =) now do i sound stoopid?
• seeing FQ, Jason and Jie walking into the hall like DAMN late and i got the shocked of my life. i thought they weren't here to study but to create chaos. i thought they were gangsters. HAHA.
• i almost mistaken my adopted brother, Keith as Ruud van Nistelrooy. HAHA.
• donkee is the smallest guy i've ever seen in my whole entire life.
• alvin lam phang chun sits right behind of me with the macha gang and they talked as if it's their grandfather's hall.
• the first person i talked to in college is Ning a.k.a auntie to us now.
• entering the tourism course and getting to know that i'll have to learn history and geography all over again.
• entering the tourism class for the first time and thought to myself, "where the hell are all the boys? how come only girls wan?"
• ...i changed my course to hospitality the very next day.
• meeting my hospitality friends the first time in the mamak stall, the place they gathered before going into the restaurant for the first ever restaurant class.
• joanne is the class representative for Term1 Group1 and she couldn't even spell my name properly to write them in the name list =)
• my first 2 friends in my whole entire group1 is KC and Ocen where i met them in the programme office. THEY CAME AND APPROACHED ME FIRST. NOTE THAT.
• after few days being in hospitality, i thought, " hehhhhh, this is my kinda course and my kinda people."
• during my 2nd or 3rd day, donkee introduced himself to me *aherm*. i remembered him saying "hello, my name is Cheah. what's your name?". he wasn't that good looking last time so i wasn't attracted to him, YET.
• during the class in the restaurant that i was talking about just now, i remember meeting a few more nice people. i remember meeting kay-poh kenneth wong. yeah, the reason being because he talks the most and he can give you the answers for all your 1002 questions.
• donkee bought me strepsils after the class because he heard me coughing a few times. how sweet =)
• he even volunteered to photostate me notes F.O.C. =)

man, if i were to still continue the story, it will never end. let's just keep the memories for my very own reference. oh before that, i remembered sista fell in love with KC during term1 !!!!!!! BWAHAHAHA. he is gonna kill me for this. but i don't care. HAHAHAAHAHA.

so..well, over is over. i'm definately sure gonna miss my friends alot for those who decided not to continue to higher diploma anymore. as for me, i've not decided yet. a certain someone should know the reason why. i'm gonna miss many people. many many of them ;(

we shall drop that topic.

yesterday, the night after my finals, me and donkee went over to FQ's place to "drown ourselves with liquor." no, actually only they did. i ain't that stewpid. i'm not too sure where i'll be heading tonight. prolly will be going to clubs or something with my bitches. but before that, will need to go over to college to certified whether did we or did we not fail our final examination. if i ever did, i'll lock myself in the room and sleep my life for a whole 3 months and there's no need to attend the graduation ceremony tomorrow morning. haha. that's what donkee taught me to do.

going over to donkee's place now. good day everyone!

leave my boy alone.

i saw her today.

she gave me a smile.

i couldn't afford to smile back.

instead, i just gave her a stare, a cold one.

and i glance away.

i couldn't even afford to utter a normal and usual Hello.

her face i despised.

her name i detested.

her body i disgusted.

her moves i loathed.

her laughters i disliked.

her voice i scorned.

everything about her i hated.

you see, i'm being kinda nice here already. i tried to bring myself to like her but i failed terribly. the thoughts of seeing things i don't wanna see drove me crazy. it makes me wanna scream. like emily rose. i fucking hate both of them for bringing me to this stage of agony. this intense struggle that precedes to almost, death. at least that's what i felt like right now. i had sleepless nights. even if i do, i have to cry myself to sleep. i have to wet my pillow to sleep. like a crying baby who doesn't get what she wanted. now tell me, did they hear me? most of all, did HE hear me? i wish. i pray. i hope. but all in all, i will thank them for letting me go through this ordeal. this painful and difficult experience. now they know my powerful endurance and my continuing existence ;) well, finally i can afford to give a smile. for the ordeal has ended. and i am the winner. i have got what is supposed to be mine.

oh by the way, do i sound really mean? being mean is good. and being mean is bitchy. but hello, i AM bitchy. tell me what can you do about it.

...we shall rephrase the word HEARTS to HEART without the letter (S) because there's only one bleeding heart which is mine.

i'm tired.

i've got a pair of swollen and red eyes.
i can't see clearly. my vision is blurry.

i've got rudolph the rednose reindeer's nose.
i can't breathe. my nose is blocked.

i'm tired of crying.

i'm tired of holding back.

i'm tired of suspecting.

i'm tired of thinking.

i'm tired of imagining.

i'm tired of everything.

i'm really tired of everything.
but i will never get tired of trusting you.

dear Y.O.U,
it doesn't matter if you're not able to touch the ceiling like how you're asked to.
the only thing that matters is that you've touched my heart. you know what i mean.

HK prac. down! 2 more to go!

i'm done with my HK practical. turn down service is not too bad. but the oral suck big time. arse.
my stress reliever is on the way backkkkkkk. woooooooooo.

come back you bitch.

my stress reliever is not around. he's having so mucho fun back there. he's such an idiot. he's almost heartlessssssssss.
i don't feel like studying. i'll be having my HK practical tomorrow. i'm gonna die.

N70 N70 N70! finally.

it has been a rather tiring day today. woke up kinda early. went for brunch with moi family, then, me + my both sis and james head to KL to get some stuffs for ourselves ;) i have finally got to buy my nokia N70! remember how i was dying for it? ha ha. daddie got it for me. lalalala. jasmine should be damn fcking happy today as well. she got her tag heuer's aquaracer watch daddie promised to buy her. weeeeee. now i can dump away my piece of old junk. weeeeee.

my current addiction besides my donkee. uhuhuhuh.

my shoutout for tonight :
I MISS RYANNNNNNNNNNNN =)

[edited at 11.52pm]

did i mention that i was out with cylee, KC and another of KC's friend to Central? yeah, we did. and we finally got to drinkkkkkk. not too much, but at least it made us feel better. man, i had sucha beautiful sleep last night. i can't wait till after finals. then we can go drink againnnnnn! oh, i am not an alcoholic. =) oh yeah, we even got some lucky draw voucher from Central yesterday. lucky number 800. our table number. heee. we can eat for F.O.C the next time we dine there. how lucky. well, i actually consider us having a quite lucky year this year you know. you see, we had this charity fair in my college not too long ago and during the lucky draw session, KC won 2 tickets for March 2006's F1 Grand Prix race. it's a GRAND STAND ticket okay. don't pray pray. then, urm, during our college's annual dinner and dance in october, cylee and i won some lucky draw prize as well. now that 3 of us are out together, we get to win stuff too. hrmmmmmmm, i think we should start buying 4D numbers-lah cylee and KC. what d'you think??

6 down! 3 to go =)

back from college. yeah, it's a saturday and i'll have to go there to sit for exams =/ how depressing. hospitality and tourism environment and communication paper or a.k.a 1000 words paper according to the RD students DOWN! professional communication presentation DOWN! damn, couldn't believe that the *goodlooking and sexy* french chief external jury actually took the initiative to "visit" me during my presentation. fuckkkkkkk. i do not even dare to look at him in the eyes. he has got a pair of really deep eyes. geez, i'll shiver.

donkee is back to TI. his mommy is sick. so, my ever so loyal friend namely loneliness will accompany me from today onwards till damn tuesday ;( i think i'll be home alone too. mom and dad is busy as they have to attend a few wedding service and dinner in my relative's. i hate going to places like that and meeting those 'woah-so-big-already-arh-you?' aunties and uncles. they bore me to death. jasmine will be going back to her in-law's james's place. my younger sister will be working in her 2nd home, nando's. HELPPPPP. anyone wanna accompany me for these few days? give me a call. i'm desperate. don't worry about not having transportation and all. U KNOW, I'M SO SWEET.I'LL BLOODY PICK YOU UP. BECAUSE I'M DESPERATE. well, i think i'll have to go look for that 'certain someone' whom i'm con.fucking.firm sure will accompany me whenever i want him to =) now i sounded bitchy. ahhh.

i'm feeling terribly bored. no one is gonna be home tonight i think. i'm a lone ranger =/ KC, cylee, virgo, vinnie and rachel!! where the heck are you people? RAINFOREST tonight? he he. i'm hungry. going out to buy myself some food. see ya.

oh ya, btw, the french guy is not sexy and goodlooking. i'm writing that for the sake of irritating KC. he hates him. haha.

***a happy belated birthday to james. u're 24. or is it 25? whatever. you.are.old.now. haha.