wanting to return.

i've been leaving this column blank for a good goddamn 45 minutes and finally managed to get my pair of hands to move and type something.

but still, i'm speechless.

never once in my life i thought that things like these would ever strike me again. not after a few years long. i never thought that i'll get caught up in situations like these. i reckon i am weak. i realised i'm not as tough as i always thought i am. or what the others thought i am.

there is a sin in my heart.
i wanna return.
i wanna return to the prevailing state.

and if i wanted silence

i would whisper

and if i wanted loneliness

i'd choose to go

and if i like rejection

i'd audition

and if i didn't love you

you would know

and why can't you just hold me

and how come it is so hard

and do you like to see me broken

and why do I still care